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 city with no children, indigo blue

allie wyatt

allie     26 years old     she
PST
ginuwine
1760 posts
18605 points
currently Offline
Dec 13 2016, 02:02 AM         Quote        


A few days had passed since they decided to make the visit to the adoption center, but they left the profiles on the kitchen counter, untouched. It had been a decision they had been mulling over for months, going back and forth about whether they were ready to do this. The death of their son had left such a dark void in their lives, and there were moments when Santana wasn't even sure they were going to make it through together. But all she had was him, and they both lost the same thing. If anyone could understand the pain, it was him. As difficult as the experience was, they allowed themselves to grow closer because of it rather than push each other apart. That was how she knew this was the man she wanted a family with.

Nothing could ever replace that loss, but a couple years later, Santana was ready to move forward. She picked up the folders with the potential children that needed homes and brought them over to the couch. She plopped down next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder and setting the folders on her lap. She gripped them tightly, allowing a heavy sigh to escape her as she looked at them. "Ready?" she asks, turning her head to kiss his shoulder. "You take the first pick." She lifts the folders and fans them out, allowing him to choose any one at random.

01.07.17 -- new year and ready for new things! please give me <3
TRIGGERS/NO GO PLOTS     incest
yes to 18+ threads

indigo blue

indigo     24 years old     she / her
pm for discord
est
boyz ii men
4151 posts
225450 points
currently Offline
Dec 13 2016, 02:12 PM         Quote        
allie wyatt
Marriage was hard, people said. Tobias had never had any doubt when his married friends and parents told him as much. Dedicating oneself to another person and the betterment of them, as a pair, was a lifestyle change. Like going vegan or quitting smoking, he had habits to break, natural tendencies to subvert. Tobias had expected the rest of his life with Santana to be better than not, but there were certain things a person couldn't account for, devastations that rocked their solid foundation. It took Tobias a while to get back from that, mostly disengaged as he offered his mourning wife assurances that it hadn't been her fault and there'd been nothing they could have done. He had to fight himself to keep from staying out of the house, nauseated by the weight of the air and the sudden void of a home without his son's cries and laughter.

Tobias would never admit to Satana that he'd once entertained the thought of ending their marriage. At one point he'd been so sure that the only way out of the darkness was severing the only other tie he had to his son, but he reminded himself that he'd dedicated himself to his union with Satana and that there had once been a time when she was the brightest thing he'd ever seen. He was glad to be back to basking in her light, even if it wasn't quite the same. It'd never be the same, but life went on, and they'd decided to try to change theirs again, for the better.

"First pick? No pressure," Tobias laughed as he flexed his fingers, tapping them against the back of the couch before playing with the ends of his wife's hair. He squinted at the folders critically, as though he'd be able to see the information inside. It seemed more jarring to be able to pick his future child than to just deal with whatever fate gave them. He had too many desires - a child that looked like his beautiful wife, a child that didn't resemble their dead son at all. "Let's go with... This one." Tobias tapped the middle folder before furrowing his brows at it. "That's as good as any, yeah?"

fyi, if i don't hear from you: unanswered starters and comms will be archived after two weeks. regular threads after a month. lmk if you want to continue something!

06.28 SWEAR TO JEEZ i'm not dropping anything!! finished my exams and did p well so i'm trying to recover mentally be while finding my muse. i have a mini vacation coming so i'm working on posts this weekend! ty for your patience.

TRIGGERS/NO GO PLOTS     incest, non-con/rape (mentions of past events are fine)
no to 18+ threads

allie wyatt

allie     26 years old     she
PST
ginuwine
1760 posts
18605 points
currently Offline
Dec 15 2016, 01:39 AM         Quote        


Santana grinned up at her husband and wrinkled her nose as she let out a soft snort. There was so much pressure in the entire decision of it, that in a way she felt a little relieved when the first pick was finally made. After months of pondering and sitting and talking and hesitating, it was an indication of progress. Even if they ended up not choosing a single one from the pile, or going to a different agency, it was comforting for her to know that they were moving forward. It had already been such a strenuous journey to get to that point (sometimes doubting they could really make it), that even the smallest steps felt like an accomplishment. They were enough to offer encouragement and hope for a brighter future.

"Maybe we'll get lucky and it'll be love at first sight," she wished, putting down the other folders and holding on to the one her husband has chosen. She exhaled slowly, her fingers finding their way to the opening of the file. Her heart was racing, both excited and nervous for what this meant for their future. Nothing would replace their devastating loss, but at least they could provide a home of love and care for a child that didn't have parents that were capable of that. "Okay, before I open this, do you have a preference on whether it's a boy or girl?" she asked, suddenly realizing she had subconsciously created a checklist of what she wanted, starting with it being a girl.


01.07.17 -- new year and ready for new things! please give me <3
TRIGGERS/NO GO PLOTS     incest
yes to 18+ threads

indigo blue

indigo     24 years old     she / her
pm for discord
est
boyz ii men
4151 posts
225450 points
currently Offline
Dec 15 2016, 05:01 PM         Quote        
allie wyatt
"A girl," Tobias asserted without hesitation. A boy wouldn't have replaced their son - nothing could ever replace their child, despite how short a time they'd had him - but, as sick as it might have been, he thought it would have been easier to love a little girl. No matter what, there would be times he'd wonder what their first would do in certain situations, at certain ages. The ghost of that child would haunt him for all of his days, but a girl might have been disconnected enough that it took the shadow of their son a bit longer to be cast.

Tobias was quiet for a moment, his fingers tangling in his wife's hair before slowly falling through the strands. "What did you want, Santa?" His lips quirked expectantly. Tobias hadn't exerted himself much in the process. He thought it was fair for her to direct him towards what she felt was best, since all of their attempts and failures at starting a family took more out of her than him. The gender of their child might have been the only preference he felt he should argue for, but as much as they'd healed, he still felt the whole situation was too tender for much pressure.


fyi, if i don't hear from you: unanswered starters and comms will be archived after two weeks. regular threads after a month. lmk if you want to continue something!

06.28 SWEAR TO JEEZ i'm not dropping anything!! finished my exams and did p well so i'm trying to recover mentally be while finding my muse. i have a mini vacation coming so i'm working on posts this weekend! ty for your patience.

TRIGGERS/NO GO PLOTS     incest, non-con/rape (mentions of past events are fine)
no to 18+ threads

allie wyatt

allie     26 years old     she
PST
ginuwine
1760 posts
18605 points
currently Offline
Jan 6 2017, 10:52 PM         Quote        


They were on the same page. She let out a small sigh of relief as his answer rang in her ears, grateful that they both wanted the same in this. It was almost expected, assuming his reasons were the same as hers. It was just that lingering loss of their own boy that she felt she couldn’t replace him with another one. It had been a difficult enough decision to move forward with adopting a child after losing the one they could have made together, but all Santana ever wanted was to raise a family with the man that she loved. It devastated her knowing that she couldn’t conceive one of her own. It took a lot of counseling to finally let go of the feelings of inadequacy and guilt over everything they had gone through. She needed this, and every small detail of agreement was a comfort to her.

A girl,” she breathed out, slightly choked by the tightening knot that was growing in her throat. She nodded her head, solidifying her answer and then exhaled slowly again. She opened the folder that was in her hands, and smiled at the picture of a sleeping infant appeared before them. “She’s a girl,” Santana said as her eyes scanned the details of the page. “It says they found her abandoned in Guatemala, in a common city where immigrants gather to make their way north.” Her hand rose up to her lips as she kept reading. “She’s seven months now and in good health, but not much history is known beyond that.” She lifted the folder up so that her husband could get a better look. “Cute, isn’t she?



01.07.17 -- new year and ready for new things! please give me <3
TRIGGERS/NO GO PLOTS     incest
yes to 18+ threads

indigo blue

indigo     24 years old     she / her
pm for discord
est
boyz ii men
4151 posts
225450 points
currently Offline
Jan 11 2017, 11:04 AM         Quote        
allie wyatt
"We could teach her Spanish," Tobias mused softly. He'd read too many essays about the pitfalls of adoption, the lack of sensitivity some parents had to their children's cultures of birth, the ill consequences of children of color raised by white parents. He'd thought of every problem they could come across and wanted to make himself educated for whatever child they might have. It hadn't been his fault, or Santana's fault, but he couldn't help feeling as though his ignorance as a father had contributed to their son's passing. It was stupid - he was fully aware how silly his thought process was - but he felt better with the knowledge he had, as though it was some sort of safety net that could catch their new baby in case he made a mistake.

Tobias shifted slightly, squinting at the image of the baby before his expression eased into a smile. Her coloring wasn't unlike his wife, dark hair and dark eyes and brown skin. She'd been looking right at the camera when the picture was taken, so it wasn't difficult to imagine she was looking at him. "She's beautiful." He should have felt a bit uncomfortable over the fact that there was no real history for the child, no way of knowing if she'd have health problems, if she'd suffer from an illness neither of them could fight for her. "We can deal with... If she has problems," he started slowly. Some of these children would have developmental delays or nutritional issues because of how they were found and the things they'd gone through. Tobias trusted he and his wife were strong enough to deal with that. "I think she's perfect."

fyi, if i don't hear from you: unanswered starters and comms will be archived after two weeks. regular threads after a month. lmk if you want to continue something!

06.28 SWEAR TO JEEZ i'm not dropping anything!! finished my exams and did p well so i'm trying to recover mentally be while finding my muse. i have a mini vacation coming so i'm working on posts this weekend! ty for your patience.

TRIGGERS/NO GO PLOTS     incest, non-con/rape (mentions of past events are fine)
no to 18+ threads
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please keep the cbox pg 13!